Profit and Loss
Newest ep: Elsie and Mack have an unpleasant discussion.
(* * *)
Angier and Mack were finishing up the 18th hole. It was what Mack's grandmother used to call "a blessed sunny day". Even though he was a trained athlete, he was still getting used to the subtleties of golf.
"Golf," Angier told him, "is not like football, or baseball, or basketball. The concept of an 'insurmountable lead' doesn't exist. You can be four strokes ahead of your nearest opponent, you've got two holes to go, the 17 is a par-four and the wind is at your back. [i]And then you get the yips.[/i] Before you know it you've double-bogeyed the hole and your confidence is destroyed. You go from winner to loser in the blink of an eye."
"People think that life is football," Angier said. "But smart people know that life is golf. Patient accumulation, loving care spent on each instant, never resting on your laurels."
As the cart chugged along, Mack felt bold. "Other people would say, Mr. Sloane, that you have an 'insurmountable advantage'. Like starting a football game up by three touchdowns."
"Is this about insider trading?" Angier said.
Mack was suprised and a bit amused. It wasn't. The question was about having unfair advantages, the old joked about 'born on third base and thinks he hit a triple'. But Angier Sloane had never spoke about insider trading because Mack had never had the guts to ask him. Sloane had merely assumed the meaning of Mack's inquiry.
Before Mack could jump to say 'no', Angier smiled. "You know that I hate distortions in the market. If the socialists really wanted to destroy the American economy, they would [i]allow insider trading[/i]. Insider trading means that information is missing from the market. With insider trading permitted, the market would reflect information more accurately as a result and move more closely towards an equilibrium state, where working the market would be a cross between throwing darts at random and investing in a low-return mutual fund."
"How much insider trading is there?" Mack said, wanting to see what he could get away with.
"The first thing you learn about the stock game is that [i]the game is fixed[/i]. My best advice on investments is the same advice I give in poker. At every poker table, there are three players and one sucker. If you can't figure out who the sucker is? [i]Then you're the sucker[/i]."
Angier set a ball on the tee and pulled out an iron from his bag of clubs. "Seriously, though, Mack, you'll learn a lot more about finance with a degree in psychology or a degree in law than you will with a degree in business. A degree at the [i]right school[/i], of course."
"What if I had never joined the Legion and just kept playing football?" Mack said.
"Well, if you played football at the [i]right school[/i]...."
Angier swung with the skill of a practiced golfer. Mack heard the CLACK of club head hitting ball as the tee flew in the air.
"Whoa," Mack said. "Damn."
The 17th hole was a Par 3 and it was about 190 yards from the tee to the hole. Mack would have gone for a 9-iron and a placement shot, but Angier used a 5-iron, and somehow he had turned a 100 yard placement shot into a shot that put the ball right on the green. If Angier hit the next ball into the cup, he would have a birdie.
"I didn't know you could hit a shot like that with a 5-iron," Mack said.
"Neither did I," Angier said with a chuckle. "[i]Imagine that[/i]."
(* * *)
The two men left the clubhouse. "And this proves that golf is not a good walk spoiled," Angier said.
"It is going to take a long time to get good at this game," Mack said.
"Don't worry about it," Angier said. "The purpose of golf games is to have conversations away from prying eyes. Besides, people like it when you're not good at golf. It makes them feel superior to you."
"Everyone in that club house feels superior to me," Mack said, recalling some dirty looks from the older club members.
"Fuck 'em," Angier laughed. "Living well? That's the best revenge. Get a fortune and build your own course overseas. Or just show up at their clubs and make things socially awkward. [i]People never care how you got the money, they just care that you have it.[/i]"
"Very true," Mack said. Angier decried how well people treated the monied, old money, new money, sports money, reality TV money, whatever money. It was one of the reasons that Mack liked Angier; Angier was full of surprises.
Mack got a surprise of his own, as Elsie Sloane showed up at the club just as Angier and Mack were leaving. "Well, what a surprise," Elsie said, dryly. "Two of my favorite people."
"Hi, sweetie," Angier said. "I didn't take you as a golf fan!"
"How correct you are," Elsie said. "I place 'golf' in the same category as 'watching grass grow'."
"Well, be indulgent to your father," Angier said.
"And look at you," Elsie said to Mack, a little space between each word. "Golf gloves. Sunglasses. Your own set of clubs. Mister Mackenzie, if you start wearing checkered slacks, it's going to be a strong mark against you."
"No checkered slacks," Mack said, laughing. "But I don't rule out anything else. Like building my own driving range at the Quarry."
"That's it. I'm taking Mack away, Dad," Elsie said. "[i]Golf fever[/i]."
"Where are you taking me?" Mack said, as Elsie linked her arm into his, elbow to elbow, dragging him along.
"Just enjoy the ride," Elsie said.
(* * *)
Mack always had to serve as passenger when Elsie drove. First, Elsie was always an unwilling passenger; she preferred driving herself. Second, Elsie refused to be seen in the car Mack purchased with his Legion stipend, calling it a 'bourge-mobile.'.
"So Mack," Elsie said, "how are things in the Legion?"
"Okay," Mack said. "Although everything is getting busier. More appearances. More duties. It just seems to be growing all the time. It's making me think that an MBA is the way to go."
"Yes, Dad has rubbed off on you," Elsie said. "So, Mack - [i]how is your friend, Tom[/i]?"
"I don't get it."
"It's a simple question," Elsie said. "Your friend, Tom Sloane? Remember him? Tell me how he is. I mean, I guess you're keeping an eye on him. Like my father said he was doing."
"Tom hasn't talked to me," Mack said. "Although it isn't about a lack of asking. I hate it when people just clam up, Elsie. Jodie clammed up, Charles refused to tell me about a...[i]medical issue[/i] - "
" - [i]don't change the subject[/i]. You know, everyone seems to know all about Tom Sloane except for his own sister. Now, I'm not going to say that I'm an expert on All Things Sloane. God knows, I hate family reunions and sentimentality is [i]boring[/i]. And yet, here you are, enjoying the secondhand benefits of your relationship with my brother and yet, when it comes to [i]his well-being[/i], you are bizarrely complacent about it."
Before Mack could say something, Elsie spoke. "Mack, I like you, but don't think that just because you play golf with my Dad means that he's going to do anything for you. And even though Tom isn't the kind of guy who likes business or finance, you can bet that if my father had to choose between you or Tom, he would choose Tom one hundred-point-one percent of time."
"Elsie, I want to learn from the best," Mack said. "That's what I'm doing. I'm not trying to ingratiate myself."
"So back to my question, Mack. Where's Tom?"
Before Mack could speak, Elsie continued. "I know that [i]something happened[/i]. There were a few things online about it, but they dried up. Some reporter got fired about something. I don't know the details. But Tom falls right out of your little celebrity chapter, which you think would be some five alarm scandal, and yet all those websites which kiss your ass 24-7 are reticent. [i]It smells[/i]. And I have a feeling that you know all about that smell."
"So," Elsie said, "[i]out with it[/i]."
"What if I say nothing?" Mack said, wanting for things to stay confidential and not betray confidences.
"Then," Elsie said, "[i]I will start asking questions in public[/i]. And my father will tell you that no force on Earth will shut me up."
Mack snorted. "Jesus, where shall I start?"
"In the middle, at the beginning, at the end?" Elsie said. "Who cares? [i]Just start[/i]."
(* * *)
Mack didn't like it when Elsie [i]didn't[/i] talk. Because that meant that Elsie was [i]thinking[/i], and a thoughtful Elsie was a dangerous thing.
"So let me get this straight, Mack? Julia Carlyle thought she had a [i]golden pussy[/i]? That's what this is all about? And David Allen Farrington believed that his 'girl' had been despoiled? That all this bullshit is is just some high school psychodrama?"
"I knew it," Mack said. "I knew that this was going to be your reaction."
"Ooo, well thank you Mister Michael Jordan MacKenzie. Which goes to show." Elsie began to stutter trying to get the words out, but then quieted herself.
"You know, Mack," Elsie said quietly. "Despite what jealous people say, I'm not [i]gay[/i]. But there's a certain kind of swaggering macho bullshit that I fucking [i]despise[/i]. It sours me on the entire male gender. This kind of thing makes me believe that the Y chromosome is just a broken X chromosome, like Valerie Solanis said."
"Your brother was right there in on it," Mack said, in defense.
"Yeah, maybe," Elsie said. "But this whole, 'oh, I'm going to fight you, don't pussy out' bullshit from David Allen Farrington? If I were my brother, I would have said that I refuse to fight a big stack of shit in military shoes who seems to think that he lives in 19-fucking-52, 'Brocode' or not. Tom refusing to lay a hand on David Allen was the [i]only [b]smart[/b] thing that he did.[/i] I'm glad that he gave David Allen blue balls like that. So, Mack, you [i]believed[/i] that the smart thing for my brother to do would be to get his ass kicked by some shitstain? Because it would prove that he was a [i]real man[/i], huh?"
"And what about Tom and Julia?" Mack said.
"You know what? I don't give a mosquito's pecker about it. 'Oh noes! A male and a female had a consensual relationship! [i]Someone fetch the sheriff![/i]' It's none of your fucking business who my brother fucks, even it is bad taste to fuck someone in the group."
"You don't know what the Legion is about," Mack said.
"Well guess what, Mack?" Elsie spat. "[i]It's not as important as you think![/i] When Tom finally comes back, you know what I'm going to advise him to do? [i]Cut ties[/i]. Drop all of you like a burning skillet and let all of you wallow in your own toxicity. A bunch of spoiled little high school girls and misogynist douchebags. [i]That's the Legion as far as I'm concerned. Tom is better off without you![/i] And you call yourself his 'friend'. HA!"
Mack boiled under the barrage. "There are things that I could tell you that would [i]shock you[/i], Elsie."
"But you won't say shit to me. And you know why? Because in your eyes, [i]I'm not good enough[/i] to know the truth. Even though it involves my own flesh and blood. Here's what you don't get. Tom and I are [i]blood relations[/i]. I don't like what he does, and he doesn't like what I do. But when you put me and Tom in a corner, then it's [i]us against the world[/i]. And if Tom is too fucking stupid to take his own goddamned side in a fight, then [i]it's up to me to pick up the slack.[/i]"
Mack didn't like the sound of that. "What are you planning, Elsie?"
Elsie slowed down, shifted gears, and hit the brakes. "You know what, Mack? [i]I'm going to leave you guessing[/i]. I'm going to return the favor." She hit the button to the car that opened the trunk. "Take your goddamned golf clubs and get the hell out of my car."
"What the fuck?" Mack said.
"MOVE!!"
Mack knew not to cross angry women. And he knew not to cross Elsie Sloane. So he knew that he was beat before he started.
Mack pulled his clubs out of the trunk. "How the hell am I supposed to get home?"
"I don't care if you sprout wings and [i]fly[/i]," Elsie said. "[i]Call Carter Leppner[/i]. She'll be only [i]too[/i] glad to give you a ride."
Before Mack could think of a rejoinder, Elsie hit the gas and kicked up a cloud of dust for him to chew on. All he saw was a pair of tail lights disappearing as the humidity hit him for the first time.
(* * *)
Angier and Mack were finishing up the 18th hole. It was what Mack's grandmother used to call "a blessed sunny day". Even though he was a trained athlete, he was still getting used to the subtleties of golf.
"Golf," Angier told him, "is not like football, or baseball, or basketball. The concept of an 'insurmountable lead' doesn't exist. You can be four strokes ahead of your nearest opponent, you've got two holes to go, the 17 is a par-four and the wind is at your back. [i]And then you get the yips.[/i] Before you know it you've double-bogeyed the hole and your confidence is destroyed. You go from winner to loser in the blink of an eye."
"People think that life is football," Angier said. "But smart people know that life is golf. Patient accumulation, loving care spent on each instant, never resting on your laurels."
As the cart chugged along, Mack felt bold. "Other people would say, Mr. Sloane, that you have an 'insurmountable advantage'. Like starting a football game up by three touchdowns."
"Is this about insider trading?" Angier said.
Mack was suprised and a bit amused. It wasn't. The question was about having unfair advantages, the old joked about 'born on third base and thinks he hit a triple'. But Angier Sloane had never spoke about insider trading because Mack had never had the guts to ask him. Sloane had merely assumed the meaning of Mack's inquiry.
Before Mack could jump to say 'no', Angier smiled. "You know that I hate distortions in the market. If the socialists really wanted to destroy the American economy, they would [i]allow insider trading[/i]. Insider trading means that information is missing from the market. With insider trading permitted, the market would reflect information more accurately as a result and move more closely towards an equilibrium state, where working the market would be a cross between throwing darts at random and investing in a low-return mutual fund."
"How much insider trading is there?" Mack said, wanting to see what he could get away with.
"The first thing you learn about the stock game is that [i]the game is fixed[/i]. My best advice on investments is the same advice I give in poker. At every poker table, there are three players and one sucker. If you can't figure out who the sucker is? [i]Then you're the sucker[/i]."
Angier set a ball on the tee and pulled out an iron from his bag of clubs. "Seriously, though, Mack, you'll learn a lot more about finance with a degree in psychology or a degree in law than you will with a degree in business. A degree at the [i]right school[/i], of course."
"What if I had never joined the Legion and just kept playing football?" Mack said.
"Well, if you played football at the [i]right school[/i]...."
Angier swung with the skill of a practiced golfer. Mack heard the CLACK of club head hitting ball as the tee flew in the air.
"Whoa," Mack said. "Damn."
The 17th hole was a Par 3 and it was about 190 yards from the tee to the hole. Mack would have gone for a 9-iron and a placement shot, but Angier used a 5-iron, and somehow he had turned a 100 yard placement shot into a shot that put the ball right on the green. If Angier hit the next ball into the cup, he would have a birdie.
"I didn't know you could hit a shot like that with a 5-iron," Mack said.
"Neither did I," Angier said with a chuckle. "[i]Imagine that[/i]."
(* * *)
The two men left the clubhouse. "And this proves that golf is not a good walk spoiled," Angier said.
"It is going to take a long time to get good at this game," Mack said.
"Don't worry about it," Angier said. "The purpose of golf games is to have conversations away from prying eyes. Besides, people like it when you're not good at golf. It makes them feel superior to you."
"Everyone in that club house feels superior to me," Mack said, recalling some dirty looks from the older club members.
"Fuck 'em," Angier laughed. "Living well? That's the best revenge. Get a fortune and build your own course overseas. Or just show up at their clubs and make things socially awkward. [i]People never care how you got the money, they just care that you have it.[/i]"
"Very true," Mack said. Angier decried how well people treated the monied, old money, new money, sports money, reality TV money, whatever money. It was one of the reasons that Mack liked Angier; Angier was full of surprises.
Mack got a surprise of his own, as Elsie Sloane showed up at the club just as Angier and Mack were leaving. "Well, what a surprise," Elsie said, dryly. "Two of my favorite people."
"Hi, sweetie," Angier said. "I didn't take you as a golf fan!"
"How correct you are," Elsie said. "I place 'golf' in the same category as 'watching grass grow'."
"Well, be indulgent to your father," Angier said.
"And look at you," Elsie said to Mack, a little space between each word. "Golf gloves. Sunglasses. Your own set of clubs. Mister Mackenzie, if you start wearing checkered slacks, it's going to be a strong mark against you."
"No checkered slacks," Mack said, laughing. "But I don't rule out anything else. Like building my own driving range at the Quarry."
"That's it. I'm taking Mack away, Dad," Elsie said. "[i]Golf fever[/i]."
"Where are you taking me?" Mack said, as Elsie linked her arm into his, elbow to elbow, dragging him along.
"Just enjoy the ride," Elsie said.
(* * *)
Mack always had to serve as passenger when Elsie drove. First, Elsie was always an unwilling passenger; she preferred driving herself. Second, Elsie refused to be seen in the car Mack purchased with his Legion stipend, calling it a 'bourge-mobile.'.
"So Mack," Elsie said, "how are things in the Legion?"
"Okay," Mack said. "Although everything is getting busier. More appearances. More duties. It just seems to be growing all the time. It's making me think that an MBA is the way to go."
"Yes, Dad has rubbed off on you," Elsie said. "So, Mack - [i]how is your friend, Tom[/i]?"
"I don't get it."
"It's a simple question," Elsie said. "Your friend, Tom Sloane? Remember him? Tell me how he is. I mean, I guess you're keeping an eye on him. Like my father said he was doing."
"Tom hasn't talked to me," Mack said. "Although it isn't about a lack of asking. I hate it when people just clam up, Elsie. Jodie clammed up, Charles refused to tell me about a...[i]medical issue[/i] - "
" - [i]don't change the subject[/i]. You know, everyone seems to know all about Tom Sloane except for his own sister. Now, I'm not going to say that I'm an expert on All Things Sloane. God knows, I hate family reunions and sentimentality is [i]boring[/i]. And yet, here you are, enjoying the secondhand benefits of your relationship with my brother and yet, when it comes to [i]his well-being[/i], you are bizarrely complacent about it."
Before Mack could say something, Elsie spoke. "Mack, I like you, but don't think that just because you play golf with my Dad means that he's going to do anything for you. And even though Tom isn't the kind of guy who likes business or finance, you can bet that if my father had to choose between you or Tom, he would choose Tom one hundred-point-one percent of time."
"Elsie, I want to learn from the best," Mack said. "That's what I'm doing. I'm not trying to ingratiate myself."
"So back to my question, Mack. Where's Tom?"
Before Mack could speak, Elsie continued. "I know that [i]something happened[/i]. There were a few things online about it, but they dried up. Some reporter got fired about something. I don't know the details. But Tom falls right out of your little celebrity chapter, which you think would be some five alarm scandal, and yet all those websites which kiss your ass 24-7 are reticent. [i]It smells[/i]. And I have a feeling that you know all about that smell."
"So," Elsie said, "[i]out with it[/i]."
"What if I say nothing?" Mack said, wanting for things to stay confidential and not betray confidences.
"Then," Elsie said, "[i]I will start asking questions in public[/i]. And my father will tell you that no force on Earth will shut me up."
Mack snorted. "Jesus, where shall I start?"
"In the middle, at the beginning, at the end?" Elsie said. "Who cares? [i]Just start[/i]."
(* * *)
Mack didn't like it when Elsie [i]didn't[/i] talk. Because that meant that Elsie was [i]thinking[/i], and a thoughtful Elsie was a dangerous thing.
"So let me get this straight, Mack? Julia Carlyle thought she had a [i]golden pussy[/i]? That's what this is all about? And David Allen Farrington believed that his 'girl' had been despoiled? That all this bullshit is is just some high school psychodrama?"
"I knew it," Mack said. "I knew that this was going to be your reaction."
"Ooo, well thank you Mister Michael Jordan MacKenzie. Which goes to show." Elsie began to stutter trying to get the words out, but then quieted herself.
"You know, Mack," Elsie said quietly. "Despite what jealous people say, I'm not [i]gay[/i]. But there's a certain kind of swaggering macho bullshit that I fucking [i]despise[/i]. It sours me on the entire male gender. This kind of thing makes me believe that the Y chromosome is just a broken X chromosome, like Valerie Solanis said."
"Your brother was right there in on it," Mack said, in defense.
"Yeah, maybe," Elsie said. "But this whole, 'oh, I'm going to fight you, don't pussy out' bullshit from David Allen Farrington? If I were my brother, I would have said that I refuse to fight a big stack of shit in military shoes who seems to think that he lives in 19-fucking-52, 'Brocode' or not. Tom refusing to lay a hand on David Allen was the [i]only [b]smart[/b] thing that he did.[/i] I'm glad that he gave David Allen blue balls like that. So, Mack, you [i]believed[/i] that the smart thing for my brother to do would be to get his ass kicked by some shitstain? Because it would prove that he was a [i]real man[/i], huh?"
"And what about Tom and Julia?" Mack said.
"You know what? I don't give a mosquito's pecker about it. 'Oh noes! A male and a female had a consensual relationship! [i]Someone fetch the sheriff![/i]' It's none of your fucking business who my brother fucks, even it is bad taste to fuck someone in the group."
"You don't know what the Legion is about," Mack said.
"Well guess what, Mack?" Elsie spat. "[i]It's not as important as you think![/i] When Tom finally comes back, you know what I'm going to advise him to do? [i]Cut ties[/i]. Drop all of you like a burning skillet and let all of you wallow in your own toxicity. A bunch of spoiled little high school girls and misogynist douchebags. [i]That's the Legion as far as I'm concerned. Tom is better off without you![/i] And you call yourself his 'friend'. HA!"
Mack boiled under the barrage. "There are things that I could tell you that would [i]shock you[/i], Elsie."
"But you won't say shit to me. And you know why? Because in your eyes, [i]I'm not good enough[/i] to know the truth. Even though it involves my own flesh and blood. Here's what you don't get. Tom and I are [i]blood relations[/i]. I don't like what he does, and he doesn't like what I do. But when you put me and Tom in a corner, then it's [i]us against the world[/i]. And if Tom is too fucking stupid to take his own goddamned side in a fight, then [i]it's up to me to pick up the slack.[/i]"
Mack didn't like the sound of that. "What are you planning, Elsie?"
Elsie slowed down, shifted gears, and hit the brakes. "You know what, Mack? [i]I'm going to leave you guessing[/i]. I'm going to return the favor." She hit the button to the car that opened the trunk. "Take your goddamned golf clubs and get the hell out of my car."
"What the fuck?" Mack said.
"MOVE!!"
Mack knew not to cross angry women. And he knew not to cross Elsie Sloane. So he knew that he was beat before he started.
Mack pulled his clubs out of the trunk. "How the hell am I supposed to get home?"
"I don't care if you sprout wings and [i]fly[/i]," Elsie said. "[i]Call Carter Leppner[/i]. She'll be only [i]too[/i] glad to give you a ride."
Before Mack could think of a rejoinder, Elsie hit the gas and kicked up a cloud of dust for him to chew on. All he saw was a pair of tail lights disappearing as the humidity hit him for the first time.
Humidity? Or Humility?
ReplyDeleteOh... when Elsie finds out that Villicana was behind that all to get back at Tom through messing with both Legion and Alliance, that her old friend Jala pulled the trigger AND what she did to Julia was considered rape... do I have to even mention how she's going to react when she hears that dear big brother publicly backed down from a fight?
ReplyDeleteReally, Elsie's been hiding in her gilded cage. Remember that sorority girl who kicked Tom to the curb as soon as she learned about what happened? Pull that finely-crafted teakwood pole from your million-dollar ass, sit it down in front of the computer and use the Wayback Machine!
Yeah... this will have tasty aftershocks. 😆
I don't think that she's going to care that Tom backed down publicly from a fight, on the contrary, she knows and she feels it was the correct decision - Elsie's not much into this posturing/prove your toughness philosophy. However, Elsie also doesn't know the manipulations behind the scenes (and neither do the other Legionnaires).
DeleteThis will not be the end of Elsie's appearances in our little story. :D
I just want to see Elsie's reaction when someone tells her that Julia saved Tom's life. The way Elsie carried herself in this conversation makes me think of the primary difference between her and Julia, or Tom and David Allen; it seems as if the lesser nobles are more callous, cruel and indifferent to 'those who are beneath them' while the ones who are expected to lead/rule someday may be off-putting, but also seem more caring for others willing to take the hits for the greater good of others... did you ever see 'Team America:World Police'? The Sloanes are assholes, while Carlyle and Farrington are dicks.
DeleteOne important thing - is Elsie aware of the true nature of Chapter Number One? If she isn't - oh, please, let me. I have a VERY short fic to clear that up. :-)
P.S. - Hey, Princess! Your dear brother didn't get his well-deserved ass-kicking BECAUSE THE LEGION STOOD UP FOR HIM.
ReplyDeleteRichard Pryor said it best: 'Somebody tell that bitch to have a Coke and a smile - and to shut the fuck up!' Who the hell are YOU to demand that I keep you informed on the fucking time of day? Get bent and stay there!'